this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
