i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
