I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
