I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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