well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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