Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
