I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
