i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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