She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
