I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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