imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
