get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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