my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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