So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
