Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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