the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
