I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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