Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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