she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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