I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
