i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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