Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
