Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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