So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
