I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
