Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
MIDGETS
????
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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