i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
