Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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