I love black thongs
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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