I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
