Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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