You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
