WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
