Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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