i just wanna soil my oats bro
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
