Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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