If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm bleeding and have questions
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
