Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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