You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
