plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
