would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
