I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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