Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
