is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
