Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
