And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
