You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
