When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
