Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
