Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
