Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
